In a few days he'll be leaving the country, I feel sad that he's leaving again, as much as I want him to stay longer he needs to work, I don't want to be selfish. I will miss you and the wonderful times we spend together. 3 months is so short but we made it worthwhile. Take care my baby... I love you!
Its been 3 months and 16 days since he left... I miss him... sa isip ko mabilis lang naman ang araw, ilang tulog lng magkakasama na ulit kami. I kept myself busy as in career mode talaga! subsob sa trabaho kahit sunday nagwowork ako, para hindi ko siya masyado maisip, para iwas landi na din. lol! madaming temptation sa paligid. hahaha... Hanggang landi lng naman ako. I know my limitations. Minsan namimiss ko ung kakulitan nya, para kasing bata yun, mahilig mang asar pero asar talo naman. Nakakamiss din ung paglalambing nya sobrang maalaga pa, feeling ko isa akong princess, teka ang landi ko na. lol! weird pala magsulat in tagalog. Anyways... Monthsary namin ngayon, kung ilang months na kami I'm not sure. Nangyari nalang kasi bigla. Its my first long distance relationship, hirap pala lalo na ung time zone pag umaga dito gabi doon, I have to wait for his call para lang makapagusap kami, there are times pa na bihira siya tumawag dahil busy but my love for him is still the same, I text him more than 5x everyday, kahit puro I love you lang laman ng message. Sa totoo lang I never felt this way sa isang tao. The good thing about our relationship is it did not start on sex, and it isn't based on sex, we're contented with hugging and kissing lang, basta magkasama lng kami. I think of him as my knight in shinning armor, nadami akong natutunan sa kanya, my life got better. I'm very HAPPY na nakilala ko cia, may mga plans na kami for our future. I know same sex relationships doesn't always have a happy ending, sooner or later they end up going separate ways pero hindi naman cguro masamang mangarap na may "Happily Ever After" kaming dalawa. Good vibes lng dapat. hehehe... Bawal ang nega. In a few months makikita na kita ulit. Excited na ako. Happy Monthsary! I love you! and I miss you!
What time is it where you are?
I miss you more than anything
Back at home you feel so far
Waitin' for the phone to ring
It's gettin’ lonely livin’ upside down
I don't even wanna be in this town
Tryin' to figure out the time zones makin' me crazy
You say good morning
When it's midnight
Going out of my head
Alone in this bed
I wake up to your sunset
And it's driving me mad
I miss you so bad
And my heart, heart, heart is so jetlagged
Heart, heart, heart is so jetlagged
Heart, heart, heart is so jetlagged
What time is it where you are?
Five more days and I'll be home
I keep your picture in my car
I hate the thought of you alone
I've been keepin' busy all the time
Just to try to keep you off my mind
Tryin' to figure out the time zones makin’ me crazy
You say good morning
When it's midnight
Going out of my head
Alone in this bed
I wake up to your sunset
And it's drivin' me mad
I miss you so bad
And my heart, heart, heart is so jetlagged
Heart, heart, heart is so jetlagged
Heart, heart, heart is so jetlagged
Is so jet lagged
I miss you so bad [x5]
I wanna share your horizon
I miss you so bad
And see the same sunrising
I miss you so bad
Turn the hour hand back to when you were holding me.
You say good morning
When it's midnight
Going out of my head
Alone in this bed
I wake up to your sunset
And it's drivin' me mad
I miss when you say good morning
But it's midnight
Going out of my head
Alone in this bed
I wake up to your sunset
And it's drivin' me mad
I miss you so bad
And my heart, heart, heart is so jetlagged
Heart, heart, heart is so jetlagged
Heart, heart, heart is so jetlagged
Is so jetlagged
Is so jetlagged
You saw my profile at planet romeo, you asked me a lot of questions, I tried my best to answer it. Then you asked if we could meet I was very hesitant but somehow you made me say yes. I love you! I miss you! I can still remember the first time we met, I was a bit uncomfortable meeting you, you were HIV negative I am HIV positive but you didn't judge me at all, you act as if I was normal. I love you! I miss you! We talked and talked until I became comfortable with you, and its time for me to go home but the communication didn't stop there. I love you! I miss you! We would text and chat all day, I called you "kuya" you were like an older brother, I was very happy I've met a person like you full of positive vibes, full of laughter. I love you! I miss you! We hang out almost everyday, going to the mall, watching movies, eating, we became really close, you helped me with my problems, right then you became one of my strengths. You always tell me stories of the places you've been to, hearing it from you seems like I was there with you. I love you! I miss you! You were very religious, you asked me to come to church you and it became our Sunday habit. It was nice seeing another side of you, even though you act like a 10 year old kid most of the time I was glad I saw a more serious side of you. I love you! I miss you! The more I get to know you the more Ive fallen for you, but being HIV positive made me realized that we will never be more than just friends, but I never lost hope. As the weeks go by the more we got closer, after watching a movie we head back to your place, had a few drinks you kissed me, I kissed you back and things between us will never be the same again. I love you! I miss you! We slept together that night, because of my meds I had to sleep ahead of you. I slept with my head on your chest, with your arms wrapped around me and vice versa, as I fall asleep I can feel you kissing me, I smiled! I never felt so secured in my entire life. I love you! I miss you! I knew you would be going away soon, but we made our time together worth while. I lived in your house for quite some time, we were together almost every time except when I'm at work, you always prepare my lunch, you always cook my favorite food. You will fetch me to work and together we will go home. I feel so lucky to have you as my partner, no one has ever done that to me. I love you! I miss you! I brought you home, introduced you to my family, we were 2 decades apart, you were almost the same age as my parents, you handles yourself well I was very proud of you, I really don't care what they say. I love you! I miss you! You saw another side of me, I was immature, I was spoiled, I had my tantrum moments, but you stayed with me all through out. I love you! I miss you! Then the day of your departure came, I was very sad, I cried seeing you packed your things, I accompanied you to the airport, on our way you were holding my hand. I tried to be brave I cannot cry, but I can't help it, I composed myself and try to act normal. You always tell me that you love me and you will come back for me, I will hold on to your promise. We arrived at the airport, we said goodbye and hug each other, I wish I could have kissed you, but I can't. I didn't stayed long. I immediately took a cab, and went home, we still exchange text messages to say how much we love and we will miss each other. I love you! I miss you! Then you called, you told me it was time for you to board on the plane. I cried again! I said the things I wanted to tell you and it was good bye for now. I felt incomplete! I would just stare blankly into the sky hoping that I would see your plane. I love you! I miss you! You'll be gone for 10months, I know 10months isn't that long but I miss you already! I will wait for you. I will hold on to your promise that you will come back to me. I love you! I miss you!
I celebrated my birthday this month, a simple celebration with a few close friends, my family and few relatives. I was very happy. Early morning of my birthday my mom came to my room to greet me, to my surprise it wasn't only a verbal greeting she hugged me and she told me that she loves me very much, blaming efavirenz I was a bit groggy so I didn't had a chance to react properly I said thank you and slept again. It was such a nice feeling, finally my mom is beginning to accept me, accept me with this virus. My life has never been this great, health-wise, career-wise, love-wise. Even though there were a few problems that comes my way I am still happy and thankful, I don't need a lot of people around me, all I need are my friends, my family and "J". By the way "J" is another story, I will post an entry of his own. So far so great! I am very thankful with what GOD has given me.
The only constant thing in this world is change and I feel that I'm strong enough to face the upcoming changes in my life, good or bad, I am ready. In this world relationship of the same sex is really complicated, some couple had their stories of Fairy Tale and some don't, as for me it didn't, my LOVE STORY ENDED. As much I want to tell you the reasons why we broke up I'm just gonna keep my mouth shut and move on with my life. I am FINE, don't worry. Another change that happened lately is WORK, I am now employed, I've been waiting for this for a very long time. The work given to me was very challenging but I am in control, I will be handling several departments, this is new to me but I know I can do this, they are expecting a lot from me and I won't let them down. My daily routine wouldn't be the same as before but I am okay with that. I AM EXCITED! As far as my Health is concerned I am now on my 5th month of ARV I feel "NORMAL" not much of a big deal. I still prioritized my Health above all. Health is Wealth as they say it. Good things comes for people who wait but act on it. A lot of things has happened lately, the right mixture of good and bad but in general I am feeling GREAT! One by one things are falling into their rightful place, I know I am heading on the right track.
Its been a year and 7months and he is still NEGATIVE! I am so happy that even though we had practiced unsafe sex before, his results always came out non reactive. Every time he's going to take the test I can't help but be scared, I won't forgive myself if ever he came out positive. I hope he remains negative forever. This calls or a celebration! I really have to thank God for all his blessings to me, to us and my family, so far so good! I feel very blessed!
First of all, me and my ex boyfriend got back together, I don't know how but it just happened. We've been living under the same roof even though we broke up, we realized that what we really need is space, a time to heal the wounds of the past. I can't explain what I am feeling but I am very much happy with my life. I can say I am stronger! My bf and I are very happy, they say love is sweeter the 2nd time around, I totally agree! He is very supportive, he takes care of me, I feel very pampered, spoiled, like a princess. lol! I'm just hoping for the best on our relationship.
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I am now employed! FINALLY! I will earn my own money, after 9months of being unemployed (I did helped in the family business but I don't consider it as employment) After several months of job hunting I finally found the job that I want, It's been a long employment process for me, after about 6-7 interviews and 3 weeks of waiting I am now hired! Now I get to do the things that I love once again, I love my technical field. I am very excited! I promised myself to save money for my future. Wish me luck!
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Recently my cd4 dropped from 443 down to 297 but looking on the bright side starting my medication will help me gain back the numbers I've lost. How? with the help of Antiretroviral drug or ARV's. Once you had started your medication, you will have to take it for the rest of your lives and these drugs comes with a package. SIDE EFFECTS! I'm starting my job and arv at the same time, I hope my medication won't get in the way of my work. So in the past few weeks I've been really thinking about it and I think I'm ready... SO GUYS! Meet my new best friends: LAMIVUDINE, ZIDOVUDINE and NEVIRAPINE together with my old best friends: SELENIUM with VIT. E and VIT. C
After the break up a lot of things has happened, we tried to talk about it and started dating (again) even if our friends (on both parties) are against it, but they had no choice but to deal with it, this time we are taking things slowly. It's was "okay", not the same as before less emotions involved, but we only made it worst:
Me going on different dates, him whoring on planetromeo.
Him spreading my private conversation with my best friend on facebook to his friends, co-workers at the school who happens to be owned by my mom, and to people who I don't even know, also telling the hairdresser of the salon we both go to. As a defense me sending his cybersex conversation to his friends.
Exchanged of harsh words, me putting up status on facebook pertaining to him.
Him getting furious and getting physical (for the 2nd time) but this time I fought back.
THIS IS TOO MUCH! THIS IS REALLY UNHEALTHY!
Am I happy for what just happened? NO, but boy did I learned my lessons well. I admit we both crossed the line. After hitting me in the face he had the guts to talked to my mom and got her sympathy, she ask him to stay, now the relationship I'm building up with my mom goes down the drain, again for the nth time my mom thinks I'm a mess. I hope he's happy but this won't last long, I will take back everything he took from me. You cannot blame me for everything, I also fought hard to make this relationship work, I also gave up so many things for him, and I gave everything as much. I'm not coming out clean, I also had my share's of inconsistencies, bad attitudes, stupidity and faults but I can't help but think for a guy who had 15-20 relationships in the past and most are unsuccessful, there must be something wrong. I don't want this to end this way but somehow what just happened made me realized something, that "loving yourself more doesn't mean your selfish". Sadly the best way to end this is to go our separate ways, too many people got involved, as of now it can never be fixed. Thanks to my ex bf I learned to stand up for on my own, to defend myself, I'm not the guy who just keep quiet all the time, no, not anymore.
Now, I am starting my life all over again without him
My 1 year magnetic relationship just ended. I am also hurt but I think this will be the best of the both of us. Enough is enough, we tried so hard but we cant save this relationship anymore. We need to focus on our own lives now. Sorry but I wont shed another tear for you. I will be okay, I hope you are the same.
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY MY BABY! We will have more years ahead of us!
THANK YOU for staying and loving from the start, I know, me having HIV is very difficult for you but we can get through anything. I LOVE YOU and I WILL PROMISE TO LOVE YOU MORE! MWAH!
-sorry I was sick, lets do our celebration at our comming CEBU-BOHOL trip! love you forever!
Nothing special, the whole family is busy with campaigning so prior to that I planned to attend Yoga for Life at makati with my BF and BFF, it's our first time to attend YFL at makati, the place was different, the crowd was different although i see familiar faces who also attend the Wednesday group. Since it's my birthday I was the center of attention, the yogi's are very vocal about it. I was shy, I really don't like to be the center of attention, I was blushing, then the practice begun, they have this thing where you will do numbers of "sun salutations" corresponding to the celebrants age, it was very nice although it was very tiring, I can see others getting tired already, i felt a bit guilty but as a treat I baked brownies for them to eat afterward. Overall I was happy! Even though others are complete strangers and some who I already knew, they made my day special, especially Mr. Yogi who is always gives me a warm hug, lucky.trese was also there, finally after exchanging text messages and chatting on ym I finally got the chance to met him (sorry I was shy, never got the chance to really bond with you). Yoga was awsome!
After yoga, myself, bf, and bff went to MOM&TINA'S to have our early dinner, the food was great, we got the chance to bond again, the three of us are really close. While eating, BF received a text message from a friend asking if he had tested for HIV, because his friend told him that him that his partner(me) is POZ, I know this person has no bad intentions, he was just concerned with his friend(my bf) so I didn't really mind that because it's my birthday and I don't want to ruin it. The next day I asked some people who knew my status, if they told anybody about it...
I know you are at the lowest point of your life, problems are getting into to you, you are in pain, you are lost and you can’t find the right way, you are confused, you are depressed and you feel unloved. You’re always wearing a mask, you’re trying to put up a tough exterior but you cry like a child when nobody is looking, you cry almost every night, embracing yourself and telling that everything will be alright, indeed you are right, things will fall into place, no matter how bad things are, just hold on, be strong, have faith, there are many people who loves you, just open your heart and let them in, you are not alone, they care about you, they want you to live so please have the courage to fight. Always remember the people that you loved most. Your friends, they might don’t know what’s happening to you but through thick and thin you can always count on them. You have your best friend who loves you very much, she not ready to lose you. She will fight with you she is always at your side. Your boyfriend, forgive him already, it’s not good for you to keep pain in your heart it will only make things worse, you know he loves you, he gave up so many things to be with you, to take care of you, you are his world now, he will do anything to keep you from harm, if only he can just get that virus from you he will. Value your relationship. Your family, they love you very much especially your mom, she might be angry now because she also in pain but she’ll learn to accept you. Your family will never leave you, they will be proud of you! And mostly GOD, his love is unconditional, he’s always at your side, just pray he will listen, he has a purpose for all this, this will make you a better person. Don’t think too much! Learn to accept the situation you are into, it’s too late to blame yourself. Just breathe! Remember everything will be okay! Keep on fighting! Your heart is still beating!
Me and my bf got into a very big fight, i was very stressed, that I end up crying hard and having a nervous breakdown. He immidiately called my mom and rushed into my house with my 2 brothers, my face was very red, I wont stop crying untill my mom was able to calmed me down, she immidiately get my blood pressure and it was 151/127, lucky I didn't get stroked, they wanted to get me to a hospita but I refused, I accidentally I told my mom that I am HIV positive. She just stayed quiet because there are other people waiting outside, she ask me to stay over at our original house, in the morning I texted my mom to say sorry. She said I was a disappointment and a humilation to the family. She also told me that what were I thinking and that I am digging my own grave. I can feel she hates me, she always scolds me during that day, I can feel the tension, I was helpless, I end up crying and passing out again. Im giving my mom more time to accept and understand the situation, looking forward to bring our relationship back.
My bf was very supportive of me that day, he always tells me that he love's me very much, neither do i know he was doing "cyber sex" with 2 guys in the internet. I am more hurt, why did he chose to do those things when I am in a situation like this, I was very hurt, all this time I know he was worried at me, but he's not, he still managed to flirt with other guys when I am left alone in my room crying and longing for love. I don't know what to do anymore. We're going to have our 11th monthsary on oct 8 and our 1st anniversary on november. How will I cope with this.
:(
PS: Im sorry if this isn't making any sense, I lack inspiration to write and Im having trouble expressing how I feel.
First of all, me and my ex boyfriend got back together, I don't know how but it just happened. We've been living under the same roof even though we broke up, we realized that what we really need is space, a time to heal the wounds of the past. I can't explain what I am feeling but I am very much happy with my life. I can say I am stronger! My bf and I are very happy, they say love is sweeter the 2nd time around, I totally agree! He is very supportive, he takes care of me, I feel very pampered, spoiled, like a princess. lol! I'm just hoping for the best on our relationship.
I am now employed! FINALLY! I will earn my own money, after 9months of being unemployed (I did helped in the family business but I don't consider it as employment) After several months of job hunting I finally found the job that I want, It's been a long employment process for me, after about 6-7 interviews and 3 weeks of waiting I am now hired! Now I get to do the things that I love once again, I love my technical field. I am very excited! I promised myself to save money for my future. Wish me luck!
Recently my cd4 dropped from 443 down to 297 but looking on the bright side starting my medication will help me gain back the numbers I've lost. How? with the help of Antiretroviral drug or ARV's. Once you had started your medication, you will have to take it for the rest of your lives and these drugs comes with a package. SIDE EFFECTS! I'm starting my job and arv at the same time, I hope my medication won't get in the way of my work. So in the past few weeks I've been really thinking about it and I think I'm ready... SO GUYS! Meet my new best friends: LAMIVUDINE, ZIDOVUDINE and NEVIRAPINE together with my old best friends: SELENIUM with VIT. E and VIT. C
