Nobody's BITCH!

Since I became single I begun my promiscuous adventure, I only had a few encounter's when I became HIV positive, and I know I want more, I am young and I want to explore more. I know I have HIV but this doesn't stop me from having sex, I am still human, I have my needs. I am strict when it comes to having sex I have a NO CONDOM NO SEX policy. I created a account in some gay networking site, I must admit I became easily marketable, I used a decent profile pic, but then I changed it into something more sexy but not in a cheap way, more people viewing my profile the more messages i am receiving. My best friend always ask me "Why is it so easy for the gay community to get sex?" I answered I don't know. maybe because it's December and its cold, it seems people are longing for some hot action, "naghahanap sila ng magpapainit sa pasko nila at ako un!", a few text from here to there, I was shy at first, a bit afraid but i got the hang of it, it started with a a few date/s (wholesome date/s) coffee, movie and dinner, followed by a one on one action, then there's 3some's, and a 4some but it didn't stop there, orgy? no, not yet, I had sex day after day, there were times I get them twice a day, or maybe thrice? every time with a different person. hahahaha... I have been to different place within the area, I didn't know that promiscuity would teach me to explore the different parts of my area. I know I made myself TOO AVAILABLE, but I choose my partner's very well. I have standards. I maybe easy but I am not cheap! lol! In terms of sex,  I like it intense and rough! Really rough! I am not the vanilla type! I am a slave... but I am fragile! I had done it in public areas as well, in the bus, park, movie house, mall comfort room, fitting room and etc... I always make sure that my partner/s will have a great time, some say's I'm good, some say's I'm great, some want's to own me and be their exclusive partner in bed. Sorry guys but I'm nobody's bitch! Most of the time I didn't even know the names of my sex partner/s, after hooking up I don't usually talk to them anymore unless the sex is great and will be scheduling a second meet up, there will always be an exception. I had met people with different personalities, body built, and size, again not all tall guys have bigger dicks. hehehe...

This post may be disturbing to some people, but always remember that I am still human and I have needs, I always do it protected, every now and then I still checked their dicks if their condom is still on. Regardless of your status you should always do it protected. HIV is real and it is now here in the Philippines, the numbers are still going up so practice safe sex guys. :)

It was "A HAPPY MONTHSARY"

Continuation of A HAPPY MONTHSARY...

That night i decided to give him what he wanted, yes, i decided to do "IT" with him again but in a very safe manner, we haven't done "IT" since i was diagnosed with HIV, I am nervous, I am scared, I can't hide the fact that he can be infected. I know he's been wanting this for the longest time, i wanted it also, i miss doing it, but I'm scared! Do I still know how to do it? It felt like I'm a virgin all over again. lol! I had to face my fear or else I might lose the person i love. So... there we did "IT" and I'm glad we did,  It was HOT, that moment was full of love and passion. I was so happy. He also told me that he'd stop meeting other people and to continue to love and support me forever, that everything will be okay, that's what i wanted to hear. I never felt happier. It was indeed A HAPPY MONTHSARY!

Baby if you're reading this...

I LOVE YOU. I always feel safe when you're at my side baby, just hold my hand and never let go. Thank you for everything! Happy 10th monthsary! I LOVE YOU! MWAH!

A HAPPY MONTHSARY?

Today i woke up crying and very depressed, this was supposed to be a "special day" for us, it's our 10th monthsary. This day was supposed to be happy and full of love. My boyfriend's status=NEGATIVE, thank you GOD! I prayed for months that in his next HIV test he will still be negative, and God answered my prayers. I wanted him to stay negative so I told him i wont have sex with him anymore, i don't want to undergo that process again carrying the guilt that i may or might have infected him. I told him that he can have sex with others instead. CRAZY right? The other night we were having a conversation about his possible sex date on Thursday, they are going to have sex in our house, so i have to sleep in my parents house that night, because his sex date doesn't know he's in a relationship, oh shit! how painful is it to be denied by someone you love? i felt my heart jump off my chest but I just stayed quiet the whole evening. That morning he felt that i was a little cold, not as sweet as i used to be, i was giving him a cold shoulder, my heart was in pain. I was sleeping when he got home i was a little drunk. He started yelling and screaming. He was very angry. He doesn't allow me to drink anymore it's bad for my health. Can you blame me? I wanted to release stress. I just stayed quiet. Then i got a text from my friend asking me to fetch her somewhere in Roxas blvd, she was drunk, no choice i had to go there, bf accompanied me because i was drunk as well but he's not talking the whole trip. After going to Roxas we dropped off my friend at her house and went straight home. Time: 2:30am. He's still mad, i went to him to make "lambing". We talked. Here's the conservation i remembered.

BF: sabihin mo lng kung nasasaktan ka ititigil ko na ito, naguguluhan ako sayo, ikaw naman pumiplit sa akin sa gawin ito tapos ngyn nagkakaganyan ka.

ME: dahil din naman sayo kung bakit ko naisip ito. nalulungkot ako pag tinatanggihan kita, ayoko na kc pagdaan ulit ung nafeel ko nung naghihintay ng 6months window period mo. ang saya saya ko na nung nagnegative ka. saka... I know you you need it and i know you want it. ndi ka naman papayag sa gusto ko kung ayaw mo tlga. tama ba ako?

BF: tama...

ME: see... alam ko gusto mo din kaya wag mo na ako insipin. natatakot lng ako na ma-inlove ka sa kanila at iwan mo ako.

BF: wla ka ba tiwala sa akin, init lng ng katawan un. ikaw lng mamahalin ko ndi kita iiwan.

ME: db dun din tayo nagsimula? sa init ng katawan? sabi mo pa nga bawal mainlove.

BF: sinabi ko lng un pero that time na-fa-fall na ako sayo, nilagyan ko lng limitations sarili ko. wla ka ba tiwala sa akin?

ME: meron, pero...

BF: naka-oo na kc ako, magmumukha naman ako walang isang salita.

ME: ...

BF: ndi ko nlng ipapaalam sayo para ndi ka masaktan.

ME: umiyak nlng.

I know, I'm crazy! I cried the whole night, i slept 6am this morning. I'm doing this because I LOVE YOU!

Now I'm asking myself... Is your happiness worth every heartbreak? Is it worth very tears?  Is it worth it? :(