Thursday, September 30, 2010

Breathing and Stretching

I've never been so relaxed since I was diagnosed of HIV. Last week I got a message on my FB asking me to join YOGA FOR LIFE, since I was busy I wasn't able to join that week. Today I decided to give it a try, I brought along my BF and my BFF. We arrived at the building at 6:58 as we are waiting for the elevator a friend whom I met at PGH came, he was a regular so didn't we didn't had problem locating the place. I was nervous at first, I'm not really the sociable type, I'm too shy to start conversations, going to a room with people I don't know was scary, good thing I have my BF and BFF with me. We were just standing there when the yoga instructor welcomed us with a handshake, he was very warm, after introducing ourselves he ask us to get some mats and find our place. We just sat there as they explaining the concept of YOGA FOR LIFE, I'm happy that there is a community who helps POZZIES like me. It's the advance monthsary celebration they've been doing YFL for 4months now. We had a small game before we start to do our thing, it was fun, the game is a relay but not in a children party way, we used condoms for the activity its called "LICK" condoms with real flavors, it taste good! The game goes like this, we form a group of two, the first person blows the condom like a balloon then on the end you popped the balloon, you get another condom and put it in the banana fastest group wins and our group won, our price? the banana! They gave away free condoms too. My BF got a lot. hahaha! 

And so the activity starts, first with the proper breathing exercise, followed by some poses and then comes the stretching, I admit I'm not very flexible, I can't even reach my ankles so I really need a lot of help from the yogi's, as the activity goes on I realized that I've been sweating A LOT!!! I had to removed my eyeglasses to be more focused. It felt nice, very nice! I can feel the stress being breathe out of my body, I can feel that I'm getting more and more relaxed, I felt every pain as I stretched my worries away. Every drop of sweat from my body was worth it. Every air I inhaled to my body symbolizes a new hope. At the end of the session I received a HUG from Mr. yogi, I wonder does he know about my status? I'm happy I joined yoga for life. I really need this, I felt like a new person, a happier version of me. I am looking forward to doing more yoga.  We really had fun!



Sunday, September 26, 2010

Can HIV be Cured?

Here's a post from

The discoverer of HIV himself, 2008 Nobel Laureate Luc Montagnier, answers: “[Yes] I would think so.” [watch his video interview below]

This post is going to be controversial, I know, and if this leads to confusion I apologize in advance. I am, however, very much wondering about this topic. When I posted the letter of McVie and Carlo, I saw how several readers reacted with fear and (perhaps) trembling regarding being infected with HIV. Stats have been floated around saying the Philippines has succumbed to an epidemic-level spread of the virus. Nakakatakot. I even heard of several people, allegedly, committing suicide when they tested positive for HIV. I wonder, how much truth there is in this video interview. Of course, I would say always practice safe sex. My curiosity though lies in how people should handle the fear around having HIV. This is serious, as the fear sometimes kills even before the actual virus. Can HIV be really managed and eventually naturally cured by the body’s immune system, aided by proper nutrition and effective antioxidants? Watch this video and contribute your thoughts.


This video got me confused the first time i saw it, I was like "huh?" What does that mean? Can HIV be really cured? Can the virus just disappear from my body? As i was watching for the second time, I found my answer's. Armed with education, together with proper nutrition, good hygiene and strong immune system can decrease the chance of acquiring HIV, not  necessarily curing HIV, personally I don't think HIV can be cured, once its in your body it stays for good, it will just keep on multiplying, but with the help of Antiretroviral drugs, it slows down the virus from spreading into our body.

I'm still hoping that "cure" is on its way, but I'm not going to rely on it. The cure is found within myself, its how I keep my body healthy, the way I live my life, and the way i see things no matter how bad it is. :)

Friday, September 17, 2010

No ARV's for me yet

Last Wednesday me and my best friend went to PGH to have my check up and to start my ARV, i woke up 10am, took a shower, went to the bank then rushed off to the meeting place where my best friend is waiting. My best friend know about my status and she's positive about it, i didn't saw her cry not even one drop of tear, she just told me that we will conquer the world together. I brought her with me so that Dra. Z can educate her about what's happening to me. We arrived at exactly 1pm at SAGIP unit, there are many patients so we sat on the chair in the corridors, after a few minutes I knocked in the usual closed door of the room, a familiar face opened the doctor it wasn't nurse C, i was just staring trying to figure out who he was, he was staring also, then i saw nurse C and ask for Dra. Z, she told me to wait outside, then i figured out who he was, he was a guy who  i exchanged messages in planetromeo, i immediately texted him and then a few minutes he came out then sat next to me, after introducing ourselves, he gave me an intro about the med's I'm going to take because I was going to start my treatment on that day, then we shook hands he went back into the room, he was accompanying people who's gonna get tested for HIV (i hope they turn out negative). Then Dra. Z passed by,  I said "hi" she didn't notice me because I have a shorter hair. We walked into the room and checked me up, the usual she asked me how am I doing, she got my weight (58kg) checked my neck, etc... I am losing weight so she ask me to eat more. I told her I brought my best friend, I asked if she can come in, she said yes, a few intro and questions then she went out to get my med, after a few minutes she went back said "hindi ka pa magstart ng treatment hindi ako pinayagan ng consultant ko, nagtitipid kami ng gamot, saka mataas pa naman daw cd4(443) mo, ang next kuha mo ng cd4 sa feb, mag follow up check up ka na lang sa december ". I got confused because three weeks ago she was so sure that I am starting my treatments because of the new guidelines, now i don't know if this is a good or bad news. I just said okay and my check up is done, doc asked me to go out of the room so she can talk to my best friend after 10mins there done, 2:30pm we said goodbye to doc. I was hungry so we went to rob's ermita to eat, we also ask another friend to follow. We ate at pancake house then watched a movie, it was fun bonding with them, i was happy that my best friend knows about my status, she's very supportive, she texted me every to eat fruit, vegetables or to sleep early. She said we were like kris aquino and eric quizon in the movie "so happy together" or like "will and grace". I'm just so happy that our friendship became stronger than ever. Now I have my BF's to support me, my boy friend and my best friend, I am so BLESSED to have them.

Monday, September 13, 2010


Continuation of A HAPPY MONTHSARY...

That night i decided to give him what he wanted, yes, i decided to do "IT" with him again but in a very safe manner, we haven't done "IT" since i was diagnosed with HIV, I am nervous, I am scared, I can't hide the fact that he can be infected. I know he's been wanting this for the longest time, i wanted it also, i miss doing it, but I'm scared! Do I still know how to do it? It felt like I'm a virgin all over again. lol! I had to face my fear or else I might lose the person i love. So... there we did "IT" and I'm glad we did,  It was HOT, that moment was full of love and passion. I was so happy. He also told me that he'd stop meeting other people and to continue to love and support me forever, that everything will be okay, that's what i wanted to hear. I never felt happier. It was indeed A HAPPY MONTHSARY!

Baby if you're reading this...

I LOVE YOU. I always feel safe when you're at my side baby, just hold my hand and never let go. Thank you for everything! Happy 10th monthsary! I LOVE YOU! MWAH!

Wednesday, September 8, 2010


Today i woke up crying and very depressed, this was supposed to be a "special day" for us, it's our 10th monthsary. This day was supposed to be happy and full of love. My boyfriend's status=NEGATIVE, thank you GOD! I prayed for months that in his next HIV test he will still be negative, and God answered my prayers. I wanted him to stay negative so I told him i wont have sex with him anymore, i don't want to undergo that process again carrying the guilt that i may or might have infected him. I told him that he can have sex with others instead. CRAZY right? The other night we were having a conversation about his possible sex date on Thursday, they are going to have sex in our house, so i have to sleep in my parents house that night, because his sex date doesn't know he's in a relationship, oh shit! how painful is it to be denied by someone you love? i felt my heart jump off my chest but I just stayed quiet the whole evening. That morning he felt that i was a little cold, not as sweet as i used to be, i was giving him a cold shoulder, my heart was in pain. I was sleeping when he got home i was a little drunk. He started yelling and screaming. He was very angry. He doesn't allow me to drink anymore it's bad for my health. Can you blame me? I wanted to release stress. I just stayed quiet. Then i got a text from my friend asking me to fetch her somewhere in Roxas blvd, she was drunk, no choice i had to go there, bf accompanied me because i was drunk as well but he's not talking the whole trip. After going to Roxas we dropped off my friend at her house and went straight home. Time: 2:30am. He's still mad, i went to him to make "lambing". We talked. Here's the conservation i remembered.

BF: sabihin mo lng kung nasasaktan ka ititigil ko na ito, naguguluhan ako sayo, ikaw naman pumiplit sa akin sa gawin ito tapos ngyn nagkakaganyan ka.

ME: dahil din naman sayo kung bakit ko naisip ito. nalulungkot ako pag tinatanggihan kita, ayoko na kc pagdaan ulit ung nafeel ko nung naghihintay ng 6months window period mo. ang saya saya ko na nung nagnegative ka. saka... I know you you need it and i know you want it. ndi ka naman papayag sa gusto ko kung ayaw mo tlga. tama ba ako?

BF: tama...

ME: see... alam ko gusto mo din kaya wag mo na ako insipin. natatakot lng ako na ma-inlove ka sa kanila at iwan mo ako.

BF: wla ka ba tiwala sa akin, init lng ng katawan un. ikaw lng mamahalin ko ndi kita iiwan.

ME: db dun din tayo nagsimula? sa init ng katawan? sabi mo pa nga bawal mainlove.

BF: sinabi ko lng un pero that time na-fa-fall na ako sayo, nilagyan ko lng limitations sarili ko. wla ka ba tiwala sa akin?

ME: meron, pero...

BF: naka-oo na kc ako, magmumukha naman ako walang isang salita.

ME: ...

BF: ndi ko nlng ipapaalam sayo para ndi ka masaktan.

ME: umiyak nlng.

I know, I'm crazy! I cried the whole night, i slept 6am this morning. I'm doing this because I LOVE YOU!
Now I'm asking myself... Is your happiness worth every heartbreak? Is it worth very tears?  Is it worth it? :(

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Fix You - Contemporary Routine by Travis Wall

Robert Roldan & Allison Holker perform a BRILLIANT contemporary routine.
Choreographed by Travis Wall. He dedicated this piece to his sick mother.
I cried watching this, very touching!