Wednesday, October 6, 2010

2 Heart Break in One Day

Oct 2, 2010

Me and my bf got into a very big fight, i was very stressed, that I end up crying hard and having a nervous breakdown. He immidiately called my mom and rushed into my house with my 2 brothers, my face was very red, I wont stop crying untill my mom was able to calmed me down, she immidiately get my blood pressure and it was 151/127, lucky I didn't get stroked, they wanted to get me to a hospita but I refused, I accidentally I told my mom that I am HIV positive. She just stayed quiet because there are other people waiting outside, she ask me to stay over at our original house, in the morning I texted my mom to say sorry. She said I was a disappointment and a humilation to the family. She also told me that what were I thinking and that I am digging my own grave. I can feel she hates me, she always scolds me during that day, I can feel the tension, I was helpless, I end up crying and passing out again. Im giving my mom more time to accept and understand the situation, looking forward to bring our relationship back.

My bf was very supportive of me that day, he always tells me that he love's me very much, neither do i know he was doing "cyber sex" with 2 guys in the internet. I am more hurt, why did he chose to do those things when I am in a situation like this, I was very hurt, all this time I know he was worried at me, but he's not, he still managed to flirt with other guys when I am left alone in my room crying and longing for love. I don't know what to do anymore. We're going to have our 11th monthsary on oct 8 and our 1st anniversary on november. How will I cope with this.


PS: Im sorry if this isn't making any sense, I lack inspiration to write and Im having trouble expressing how I feel.


  1. I dunno how to say this. But i am also hitting rock bottom at the moment. Though Were not on the same situation. I feel how difficult it is what you are feeling at the moment. I dont know how i will comfort you and i dont have the right words to make things alright.

    But I hope you have friends to lean on, reach out to them.. let them know your in pain. They are you best persons right now. Tell them how you feel. They will listen. Though they cannot take away the pain, it will help knowing that there are people who loves you and understands you and wont judge you of what you have. Also i don't how you talk to God, but most of the times it helps. Voicing out, asking for his help.

    I hope i could help you.

  2. I'm at my lowest. The only person I get my strength is my Bf, at the same time he's my weakness. We live together, although we had settled this issue already I'm still hurt, I'm haunted with what I've read in his ym. I wish i could just post their conversation here. I can't explain how I feel, I'm totally broken! I'm dying inside! :(

    With my mom, slowly she's beginning to care. I hope one day she can accept me and be proud of me.

    I just hope everything falls into place soon because I'm losing hope! :( :( :(

  3. the only thing to lessen the burden is to talk about it, i have 2 ears by the way.. you know my number..

  4. lemme know when you're ready to talk. i know i can be tough on you at times, but i am here.

    ill nurse myself for the meantime, but hope to hear from you soon.

  5. things will get better, i am sure of that... when you've hit rock bottom, there is no way to go but up. :)

    as you can see, there are friends out there who are willing to hear you out when you're ready. that includes me. :)

  6. To everyone: thanks for the support! i really appreciate it. super thanks! im okay now! nice talking to you guys. :) :) :)

  7. hugs.... hey... i just joined last week sa yoga. Hope to meet you. Im there every saturday na. Ako yung maingay before and after yoga. hehehe

  8. shoot me an email if you need someone to talk to :)

  9. Hi!

    I am Nio. I have read your blogs and I can feel for you.

    I can't really imagine how you are coping. But I believe that the support you are getting right now should help. I, being a strange, can only send my prayers to HIM; asking for your strength (spiritual and physical) and inspiration.