Get It Right

What have I done

I wish I could run

Away from this ship going under

Just trying to help

Hurt everyone else

Now I feel the weight of the world is

On my shoulders

What can you do when your good isn't good enough

And all that you touch tumbles down

'Cuz my best intentions keep making a mess of things

I just want to fix it somehow

But how many times will it take

Oh how many times will it take for me

To get it right

To get it right

Can I start again

With my faith shaken

'Cuz I can't go back and undo this

I just have to stay

And face my mistakes

But if I get stronger and wiser

I'll get through this

What can you do when your good isn't good enough

And all that you touch tumbles down

'Cuz my best intentions keep making a mess of things

I just want to fix it somehow

But how many times will it take

But how many times will it take for me

To get it right

So I throw up my fist, throw a punch in the air

And accept the truth that sometimes life isn't fair

Yeah I sent out wish

Yeah I sent up a prayer

Then finally someone will see how much I care

What can you do when your good isn't good enough

And all that you touch tumbles down

Oh my best intentions keep making a mess of things

I just want to fix it somehow

But how many times will it take

Oh how many times will it take

To get it right

To get it right

A Warrior and A Child

Most of you think people living with HIV are strong, yes we are, it would really take a lot of strength to live every day for the rest of our lives. I think I am but sometimes I find a need to wore a mask, fake a smile, a laughter just to hide what I am feeling, It's not because I'm not being true to myself, I just need too! So that the people around me wouldn't worry too much, most especially my family, they have no idea what I am going through, I wish I could just tell them but I can't, not right now, I need to wait for the right moment. I never expected this journey to be easy but I know I am strong enough to handle it, my best friend's A and M didn't had any clue that I was going through something like this until I told them, they were shocked but they didn't let me see a tear fall from their eyes, they always act strong in front of me but I know they are worried, I wanted everything to be normal, I don't want people to treat me like a sick or a dying person, I don't want to have limitations, I don't want to limit my life, I just want it to live the way I want it although I know I can't live it carelessly, especially at this moment where my body is at a fragile state. I am very scared but I am confident that through this battle GOD and the people that loves me will be always by my side, they are my armor they prevent me from getting wounded. I maybe a warrior but I am also just a child...

I fall... I cry... I get defeated... my enemy has already got me on my knees but I will always have the courage to stand up and fight!

Depression and Discomfort

The moment my doctor asked me if I am ready for medication, I said YES, thinking I am ready for it. The arv's comes with a packeage of side effects, I am experiencing some: head ache, nausea, vomitting, muscle pains and fever, i am feeling really uncomfortable. I am emotionally prepared for this but realizing physically I am not, I have low pain tolerance, I am not used in experiencing this kind of physical pain. VERY DISCOMFORTING. Since I am experiencing this side effects I asked the HR is I can delay my work for a few days to help me body adjust more to the medicines, I had to lie and I told them I have flu, after a few hour they responed, they are postponing my employment because they don't think I'm "FIT TO WORK", I felt sad, VERY DEPRESSING! I don't think they will still hire me, I don't want to lose hope but I am really feeling low. Iv'e been back and forth to pgh to have my check up, also I had to do series of lab test, the results were all normal so my doctor know the caused of my fever. She asked me if I difficulty in swallowing I replied yes, she asked me to open my mouth, she looked into it, she asked another doctors opinion: "IT'S HERPES"....... WHAT THE FUCK?? HERPES!!! I don't think herpes has a cure. I just want to disappear from that moment. So I was given another set of meds, antiviral meds. now I am depressed and I feel a little bit of discomfort. I am so close to being broke! I feel so sad that not even sex and porn can make me happy. I hope things will be better soon, I am not used to this. I really need a tight HUG! :-(

LOVE, WORK and other DRUGS

First of all, me and my ex boyfriend got back together, I don't know how but it just happened. We've been living under the same roof even though we broke up, we realized that what we really need is space, a time to heal the wounds of the past. I can't explain what I am feeling but I am very much happy with my life. I can say I am stronger!  My bf and I are very happy, they say love is sweeter the 2nd time around, I totally agree! He is very supportive, he takes care of me, I feel very pampered, spoiled, like a princess. lol! I'm just hoping for the best on our relationship.

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I am now employed!  FINALLY! I will earn my own money, after 9months of being unemployed (I did helped in the family business but I don't consider it as employment) After several months of job hunting I finally found the job that I want, It's been a long employment process for me, after about 6-7 interviews and 3 weeks of waiting I am now hired! Now I get to do the things that I love once again, I love my technical field. I am very excited! I promised myself to save money for my future. Wish me luck!

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Recently my cd4 dropped from 443 down to 297 but looking on the bright side starting my medication will help me gain back the numbers I've lost. How? with the help of Antiretroviral drug or ARV's. Once you had started your medication, you will have to take it for the rest of your lives and these drugs comes with a package. SIDE EFFECTS! I'm starting my job and arv at the same time, I hope my medication won't get in the way of my work. So in the past few weeks I've been really thinking about it and I think I'm ready... SO GUYS! Meet my new best friends: LAMIVUDINE, ZIDOVUDINE and NEVIRAPINE together with my old best friends: SELENIUM with VIT. E and VIT. C