This “thing” in my body is making me vulnerable. All of these emotions are making my life a roller coaster ride! One moment I am happy then one moment I am sad, I think this is what they call “emotion shift”. I am not at ease of showing emotions, I usually hide it, I usually cry when I am all by myself where nobody can hear/see me, I hate it when somebody see cry, I felt like I am less of a person. Growing up I have to be emotionally self-supporting, I never really felt how to be loved, my parent’s are always too busy, although they make time for us, there were favoritism, I never really felt like I am important, most of my SPECIAL DAYS are just ignored. I have to be strong to survive, this is why some people misinterpret me as a cold hearted person, showing emotions is just too difficult. For me emotions are investments, I want to invest it were it will grow into something good. Love is one, but now I find it hard to invest in love, knowing that I have “it” people might reject me, unless it’s a poz to poz relationship, but still, I can’t handle anymore drama as of now, too stressful not good for my health.
So now, I’m putting my barriers up! A strong and sturdy wall so no one can hurt me.
i hope you consider that there is the danger of keeping out people who will sincerely accept you no matter what and love you sincerely without expecting anything in return with the wall you are putting up. pain is part of life so just learn to deal with it.
ReplyDelete