This “thing” in my body is making me vulnerable. All of these emotions are making my life a roller coaster ride! One moment I am happy then one moment I am sad, I think this is what they call “emotion shift”. I am not at ease of showing emotions, I usually hide it, I usually cry when I am all by myself where nobody can hear/see me, I hate it when somebody see cry, I felt like I am less of a person. Growing up I have to be emotionally self-supporting, I never really felt how to be loved, my parent’s are always too busy, although they make time for us, there were favoritism, I never really felt like I am important, most of my SPECIAL DAYS are just ignored. I have to be strong to survive, this is why some people misinterpret me as a cold hearted person, showing emotions is just too difficult. For me emotions are investments, I want to invest it were it will grow into something good. Love is one, but now I find it hard to invest in love, knowing that I have “it” people might reject me, unless it’s a poz to poz relationship, but still, I can’t handle anymore drama as of now, too stressful not good for my health.
So now, I’m putting my barriers up! A strong and sturdy wall so no one can hurt me.