Magnetic Relationship

Its been a year and 7months and he is still NEGATIVE! I am so happy that even though we had practiced unsafe sex before, his results always came out non reactive. Every time he's going to take the test I can't help but be scared, I won't forgive myself if ever he came out positive. I hope he remains negative forever. This calls or a celebration! I really have to thank God for all his blessings to me, to us and my family, so far so good! I feel very blessed!

World Aids Day Celebration

Its my first time to celebrate World Aids Day as a Pozzie. I joined yoga for life's WAD and  together with their 6th monthsary celebration. We had a special kirtan session, there were lighted candles formed in a ribbon, where we were in circle around it sitting in our yoga mats. This year's theme was "Light for Rights" HIV rights is HUMAN RIGHTS, we have the same rights as people who are not living with HIV. We pozzie's are just like any other human being, we are still normal, we can do all the things that a normal being can, the difference is we just have to take care of ourselves more.

We begun the celebration by the alternate nostril breathing followed by 9 sun salutation, and then we sang different songs and at the end of every song someone can share anything she/he likes. Someone spoke up disclosing his status, i was a bit teary eyed, I was saying to myself what a brave guy, then another person also shared his, i was just listening and trying to absorb what they was saying, there are about 6 person who share their story before I had the guts to speak up. So I told my story... First I told them how I was negative in December 2009 and came up positive in February 2010, due to memory problems I asked my ex bf to support me with my story telling, I really don't want to cry but I can't help it, I was really in pain because my mom couldn't accept me, she called me a "sex pervert" and she thinks my life is a BIG MESS, she always tells me to fix my life and not to enter another relationship because of my condition. I was in tears while sharing my story in front of people I don't even know (parang tanga lang!) , then someone spoke up about privacy, that disclosing someone else status is against the law, that the stories shared on that room will remain on that room. I remembered the pozzie who disclosed my status and shared it to them, I hoped they will be very careful to whom they share their secrets with. I think 9 or 10 people shared their story, I am very lucky to have witnessed an event like this. 

Overall I was very happy, I was happy I was brave enough to spoke up, I was happy that the people in the room accepted me, I was very very happy... some people gave me a hug after the session, I felt very much loved. We finished the celebration with a vegetarian dinner, not really a fan of veggies, but I know I have to eat because its good for me, honestly the food didn't really taste like vegetables the food was really good.

For me yoga for life wasn't just a community or a place to do yoga, I felt like I belong to a "family" like what I always said to my fellow pozzie's "family tayo kc magka-dugo naman tayo", yoga for life is a place where you can be free of judgement, just pure acceptance no matter what age, gender or HIV status you have.  Everyone is welcome in YFL. Thank you YFL! Thank you charmaine, paulo, the core group and to everyone at YFL! One big Hug! More power!

BTW! congrats to charmaine and his husband... cheers to the adorable couple!

To all the pozzie's out there, it's not the end of life, don't give up, always remember that your heart is still beating.

And one last thing... someone kissed me that night, nothing intimate just a smack on the lips. Want to know who? nah.. secret! :P

Status: DISCLOSED

I trust every person who I come out with my HIV status, I don't just come out to everyone because I don't know how will they react to it. Will they accept me? Will they continue to love me? Will they be disgusted? Too many factors is to be considered before telling a person you have HIV. Like what happened with my mom, she had a hard time accepting me, until now she's not 100% comfortable with it, we don't talk about it, she doesn't want me to explain everything to her, she doesn't want me to tell my dad, she doesn't want me to come out of the world because people might be scared, people might not come close or near me, that's how my mom took it, what if it was someone else who doesn't even know me?

Since I start blogging I've been talking or meeting fellow poz, disclosing my true identity is part of it, since they are poz as well I gave them my full trust and respect that my secret will be kept and their secret will be kept also (when someone comes out to me, it remains within me, not even my boyfriend knows about it). Going back to what happened on the day of my birthday, someone (let's call him X) who knows about my status outed me to his friend (let's call him Z), I didn't really mind it until I realized that since I was disclosed as HIV positive, person Z thought that my boyfriend was also HIV positive, there's a stigma attached to my boyfriend. THIS IS NOT GOOD, another person got involved, its like hitting two birds with one stone. 

I just wished that person X think twice before he quacks about someone else status, according Section 3 (b) (2) of Republic Act 8504 or the Philippine Aids Prevention and Control Act of 1998 provides that the right to privacy of individuals with HIV/Aids shall be guaranteed by the state. The damage has been done, maybe this time this issue has been passed to every person they know. This is a very private matter, it can ruin my life, my boyfriend's life and even my family's lives. I'm very hurt by this,  I TRUSTED YOU now it's just hard to trust anybody. I'm going to be more careful from now on. 

You can't turn back time. I just hope you realize now that what you did is wrong.