Remembering 2012

2013 is almost here, but let me share you my top 5 unforgettable experience this 2012.

5. Losing a friend - I've met him late December of 2010, instantly we clicked, we were constantly communicating through twitter, and just this year he passed away. He was such a good friend. I miss him...

4. Promotion - I have always been frustrated about my career, this promotion is truly a blessing.

3. Birthday - One of the most memorable birthday experience is celebrating with my twitter friend. I am happy that I was able to meet this wonderful people.

2. Cd4 - After being stuck to 300, my cd4 finally went up to 647, this one is really a surprise, because of my stressful work environment I didn't expect it to go up like this. I am very thankful.

1. Family and Boyfriend - My family doesn't talk about my relationship or even my orientation but I was surprised when they took the initiative to get to know my partner, we even had lunch the day my partner went abroad. Slowly they are starting to accept our relationship.

My partner went home on the day of our anniversary, even though he was just staying here for a short while, he never fails to make me happy. Its been 3months since he left and I miss him so badly.


Overall this year was great, I am very thankful to God for giving me a very understanding doctor, a stable job, a wonderful friends, a supportive family, and a loving boyfriend. Looking forward to a better 2013.

Happy New Year! :)

Another Year

I celebrated my birthday this month, a simple celebration with a few close friends, my family and few relatives. I was very happy. Early morning of my birthday my mom came to my room to greet me, to my surprise it wasn't only a verbal greeting she hugged me and she told me that she loves me very much, blaming efavirenz I was a bit groggy so I didn't had a chance to react properly I said thank you and slept again. It was such a nice feeling, finally my mom is beginning to accept me, accept me with this virus. My life has never been this great, health-wise, career-wise, love-wise. Even though there were a few problems that comes my way I am still happy and thankful, I don't need a lot of people around me, all I need are my friends, my family and "J". By the way "J" is another story, I will post an entry of his own. So far so great! I am very thankful with what GOD has given me.

My Holiday

It's my first time to spend Christmas and New Year as a poz, well nothing has changed, I celebrated my holiday the same as the previous years, bonding with my family, reunion with friends, visiting my relatives, the only thing that makes it special is I cherished every moment of it, especially when im with my family, I missed my family, I've been living alone for quite some time now, its not that far from my parents house but I don't get to see them that often, my parents are busy as usual, they work hard for us to have a comfortable life, try to give us good education and provides us with what we need, my brother's are all grown up (i have 3), what are their vices? are they having girlfriends already? engaging into sex? i can't really tell what's going on with their life anymore, and my sister she has matured, my sister is a teen mom, she got pregnant two year's ago (she was 17yrs.old), our family has gone through a lot of pain but we fought through it, my niece will be turning two on April, she's our little princess, we will do everything for her, she's spoiled, she never fails to make us smile every time she speaks, sings, dance or do all her stuff, thanks to her she's been keeping us bonded, we set aside our differences when it comes to her, we only want the best for her, we love her very much especially me, we have dreams for her, I want her to be enrolled in a good school, I enroll her in ballet classes, gymnastic classes, piano lessons,  everything she wants to do. I know I can't have kids anymore so I'm treating her as one of my own, so GOD please give me 18 years more, just let me be with her on her 18th birthday. 

After new year we decided to watch a movie, we watched "tanging ina" what got my attention is how ai ai delas alas struggles to tell her family about her condition, within the family only my mom knows that I am HIV positive, its been 11months since I got diagnosed. My dad and sibling doesn't have a clue, I was planning to tell them this christmas but something hold me back, it's not yet time for me to open up. I am afraid of how will they take it, i am really scared. I need to plan it very carefully, I have to be ready for anything that may happened. When? Only GOD knows...

2010, was not a good year for me, too much drama, too much depression, too much heartache, but I'm still thankful for all the blessing I received, for friends I gained and lost, for an unsuccessful romance, for me having another year with my family. Having HIV made me realized a lot of things, I am still normal and will still act normal, no new years resolution for 2011 but I have a lot of things I want to do this year. I am looking forward to 2011, hopefully this year will be better. :)

A Letter to Myself

Dear Me,

I know you are at the lowest point of your life, problems are getting into to you, you are in pain, you are lost and you can’t find the right way, you are confused, you are depressed and you feel unloved. You’re always wearing a mask, you’re trying to put up a tough exterior but you cry like a child when nobody is looking, you cry almost every night, embracing yourself and telling that everything will be alright, indeed you are right, things will fall into place, no matter how bad things are, just hold on, be strong, have faith, there are many people who loves you, just open your heart and let them in, you are not alone, they care about you, they want you to live so please have the courage to fight. Always remember the people that you loved most. Your friends, they might don’t know what’s happening to you but through thick and thin you can always count on them. You have your best friend who loves you very much, she not ready to lose you. She will fight with you she is always at your side. Your boyfriend, forgive him already, it’s not good for you to keep pain in your heart it will only make things worse, you know he loves you, he gave up so many things to be with you, to take care of you, you are his world now, he will do anything to keep you from harm, if only he can just get that virus from you he will. Value your relationship. Your family, they love you very much especially your mom, she might be angry now because she also in pain but she’ll learn to accept you. Your family will never leave you, they will be proud of you! And mostly GOD, his love is unconditional, he’s always at your side, just pray he will listen, he has a purpose for all this, this will make you a better person. Don’t think too much! Learn to accept the situation you are into, it’s too late to blame yourself. Just breathe! Remember everything will be okay! Keep on fighting! Your heart is still beating!

Love,

The Future Me