On the RIGHT Direction

The only constant thing in this world is change and I feel that I'm strong enough to face the upcoming changes in my life, good or bad, I am ready. In this world relationship of the same sex is really complicated, some couple had their stories of Fairy Tale and some don't, as for me it didn't, my LOVE STORY ENDED. As much I want to tell you the reasons why we broke up I'm just gonna keep my mouth shut and move on with my life. I am FINE, don't worry. Another change that happened lately is WORK, I am now employed, I've been waiting for this for a very long time. The work given to me was very challenging but I am in control, I will be handling several departments, this is new to me but I know I can do this, they are expecting a lot from me and I won't let them down. My daily routine wouldn't be the same as before but I am okay with that. I AM EXCITED! As far as my Health is concerned I am now on my 5th month of ARV I feel "NORMAL" not much of a big deal. I still prioritized my Health above all. Health is Wealth as they say it. Good things comes for people who wait but act on it. A lot of things has happened lately, the right mixture of good and bad but in general I am feeling GREAT! One by one things are falling into their rightful place, I know I am heading on the right track.

A Letter to Myself

Dear Me,

I know you are at the lowest point of your life, problems are getting into to you, you are in pain, you are lost and you can’t find the right way, you are confused, you are depressed and you feel unloved. You’re always wearing a mask, you’re trying to put up a tough exterior but you cry like a child when nobody is looking, you cry almost every night, embracing yourself and telling that everything will be alright, indeed you are right, things will fall into place, no matter how bad things are, just hold on, be strong, have faith, there are many people who loves you, just open your heart and let them in, you are not alone, they care about you, they want you to live so please have the courage to fight. Always remember the people that you loved most. Your friends, they might don’t know what’s happening to you but through thick and thin you can always count on them. You have your best friend who loves you very much, she not ready to lose you. She will fight with you she is always at your side. Your boyfriend, forgive him already, it’s not good for you to keep pain in your heart it will only make things worse, you know he loves you, he gave up so many things to be with you, to take care of you, you are his world now, he will do anything to keep you from harm, if only he can just get that virus from you he will. Value your relationship. Your family, they love you very much especially your mom, she might be angry now because she also in pain but she’ll learn to accept you. Your family will never leave you, they will be proud of you! And mostly GOD, his love is unconditional, he’s always at your side, just pray he will listen, he has a purpose for all this, this will make you a better person. Don’t think too much! Learn to accept the situation you are into, it’s too late to blame yourself. Just breathe! Remember everything will be okay! Keep on fighting! Your heart is still beating!

Love,

The Future Me

Bob Ong Quote of the Day

Yesterday, I was on facebook and due to boredom I clicked the Bob Ong quote of the day, and this came up:

“Ano namang mapapala mo kakaisip sa nakaraan at sa mga pwede pang mangyari? wala knaman sigurong super powers para maibalik ang nakalipas na. Dapat matuto kang pahalagahan ang mga nangyayari sayo sa kasalukuyan. Isipin mo yung ngayon. I-enjoy mo lang ang buhay. Wag kang emo. Hindi ka talaga magiging masaya kung di mo tutulungan ang sarili mo. Natural lang na makaramdam ng lungkot paminsan-minsan pero ang pagiging miserable? Wag kang hibang choice mo yan.”

Coincidence?

Maybe. But I think it's God's way of telling me that I should just enjoy life. I don’t have super powers to turn back time, so I have to accept it. I have to move on. These past few months I’ve been undergoing deep depression. I’ve been thinking about my family...what will be their reaction? Will they accept me? Will they still love me? I’m scared of the future.I don’t know what will happen to me or how long will I live? There are many thoughts and questions wandering in my head. I don’t want to be miserable anymore, it’s too depressing just thinking about this stuff, besides depression is bad for my health. I hope I can overcome all of this so I can live a happy life.