Showing posts with label heart. Show all posts
Showing posts with label heart. Show all posts

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Happy Anniversary

11/08/2010

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY MY BABY! We will have more years ahead of us!

THANK YOU for staying and loving from the start, I know, me having HIV is very difficult for you but we can get through anything. I LOVE YOU and I WILL PROMISE TO LOVE YOU MORE! MWAH! 

-sorry I was sick, lets do our celebration at our comming CEBU-BOHOL trip! love you forever!

I'm very LUCKY to have YOU! :)

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

A Letter to Myself


Dear Me,

I know you are at the lowest point of your life, problems are getting into to you, you are in pain, you are lost and you can’t find the right way, you are confused, you are depressed and you feel unloved. You’re always wearing a mask, you’re trying to put up a tough exterior but you cry like a child when nobody is looking, you cry almost every night, embracing yourself and telling that everything will be alright, indeed you are right, things will fall into place, no matter how bad things are, just hold on, be strong, have faith, there are many people who loves you, just open your heart and let them in, you are not alone, they care about you, they want you to live so please have the courage to fight. Always remember the people that you loved most. Your friends, they might don’t know what’s happening to you but through thick and thin you can always count on them. You have your best friend who loves you very much, she not ready to lose you. She will fight with you she is always at your side. Your boyfriend, forgive him already, it’s not good for you to keep pain in your heart it will only make things worse, you know he loves you, he gave up so many things to be with you, to take care of you, you are his world now, he will do anything to keep you from harm, if only he can just get that virus from you he will. Value your relationship. Your family, they love you very much especially your mom, she might be angry now because she also in pain but she’ll learn to accept you. Your family will never leave you, they will be proud of you! And mostly GOD, his love is unconditional, he’s always at your side, just pray he will listen, he has a purpose for all this, this will make you a better person. Don’t think too much! Learn to accept the situation you are into, it’s too late to blame yourself. Just breathe! Remember everything will be okay! Keep on fighting! Your heart is still beating!

Love,

The Future Me

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

2 Heart Break in One Day

Oct 2, 2010
12am

Me and my bf got into a very big fight, i was very stressed, that I end up crying hard and having a nervous breakdown. He immidiately called my mom and rushed into my house with my 2 brothers, my face was very red, I wont stop crying untill my mom was able to calmed me down, she immidiately get my blood pressure and it was 151/127, lucky I didn't get stroked, they wanted to get me to a hospita but I refused, I accidentally I told my mom that I am HIV positive. She just stayed quiet because there are other people waiting outside, she ask me to stay over at our original house, in the morning I texted my mom to say sorry. She said I was a disappointment and a humilation to the family. She also told me that what were I thinking and that I am digging my own grave. I can feel she hates me, she always scolds me during that day, I can feel the tension, I was helpless, I end up crying and passing out again. Im giving my mom more time to accept and understand the situation, looking forward to bring our relationship back.

My bf was very supportive of me that day, he always tells me that he love's me very much, neither do i know he was doing "cyber sex" with 2 guys in the internet. I am more hurt, why did he chose to do those things when I am in a situation like this, I was very hurt, all this time I know he was worried at me, but he's not, he still managed to flirt with other guys when I am left alone in my room crying and longing for love. I don't know what to do anymore. We're going to have our 11th monthsary on oct 8 and our 1st anniversary on november. How will I cope with this.

:(

PS: Im sorry if this isn't making any sense, I lack inspiration to write and Im having trouble expressing how I feel.

Monday, September 13, 2010

It was "A HAPPY MONTHSARY"

Continuation of A HAPPY MONTHSARY...

That night i decided to give him what he wanted, yes, i decided to do "IT" with him again but in a very safe manner, we haven't done "IT" since i was diagnosed with HIV, I am nervous, I am scared, I can't hide the fact that he can be infected. I know he's been wanting this for the longest time, i wanted it also, i miss doing it, but I'm scared! Do I still know how to do it? It felt like I'm a virgin all over again. lol! I had to face my fear or else I might lose the person i love. So... there we did "IT" and I'm glad we did,  It was HOT, that moment was full of love and passion. I was so happy. He also told me that he'd stop meeting other people and to continue to love and support me forever, that everything will be okay, that's what i wanted to hear. I never felt happier. It was indeed A HAPPY MONTHSARY!

Baby if you're reading this...

I LOVE YOU. I always feel safe when you're at my side baby, just hold my hand and never let go. Thank you for everything! Happy 10th monthsary! I LOVE YOU! MWAH!


Sunday, September 5, 2010

Fix You - Contemporary Routine by Travis Wall


Robert Roldan & Allison Holker perform a BRILLIANT contemporary routine.
Choreographed by Travis Wall. He dedicated this piece to his sick mother.
I cried watching this, very touching!

Friday, August 27, 2010

CD4

After few weeks of waiting, i finally got my cd4 result it's 443, not bad, but the doctor said i have to start my treatment because of the new guidelines (if your cd4 goes down to 500 you may start medication right away). She said that it would lessen the risk of having OI (opportunistic infections). She gave me a week to think about it and also to have my x-ray again, because of my cough. Now I'm having fever again, hope its just because of the bad weather, not something serious.
I need to take care of myself more seriously.

Here are some info about CD4 and HIV:

T helper cells (also known as effector T cells or Th cells) are a sub-group of lymphocytes (a type of white blood cell or leukocyte) that plays an important role in establishing and maximizing the capabilities of the immune system. These cells are unusual in that they have no cytotoxic or phagocytic activity; they cannot kill infected host (also known as somatic) cells or pathogens, and without other immune cells they would usually be considered useless against an infection. Th cells are involved in activating and directing other immune cells, and are particularly important in the immune system. They are essential in determining B cell antibody class switching, in the activation and growth of cytotoxic T cells, and in maximizing bactericidal activity of phagocytes such as macrophages. It is this diversity in function and their role in influencing other cells that gives T helper cells their name.

Mature Th cells are believed to always express the surface protein CD4. T cells expressing CD4 are also known as CD4+ T cells. CD4+ T cells are generally treated as having a pre-defined role as helper T cells within the immune system, although there are known rare exceptions. For example, there are sub-groups of suppressor T cells, natural killer T cells, and cytotoxic T cells that are known to express CD4 (although cytotoxic examples have been observed in extremely low numbers in specific disease states, they are usually considered non-existent). All of the latter CD4+ T cell groups are not considered T helper cells, and are beyond the scope of this article.

The importance of helper T cells can be seen from HIV, a virus that infects cells that are CD4+ (including helper T cells). Towards the end of an HIV infection the number of functional CD4+ T cells falls, which leads to the symptomatic stage of infection known as the acquired immune deficiency syndrome (AIDS). There are also some rare disorders that result in the absence or dysfunction of CD4+ T cells. These disorders produce similar symptoms, and many of these are fatal.

HIV infection

Perhaps the best example of the importance of CD4+ T cells is demonstrated with human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) infection. HIV targets cells that express CD4, and can infect macrophages, dendritic cells (both groups express CD4 at low levels) and CD4+ T cells.
It has been proposed that during the non-symptomatic phase of HIV infection, the virus has a relatively low affinity towards T cells (and has a higher affinity for macrophages), resulting in a slow kill rate of CD4+ T cells by the immune system. This is initially compensated for via the production of new helper T cells from the thymus (originally from the bone marrow). Once the virus becomes lymphotropic (or T-tropic) however, it begins to infect CD4+ T cells far more efficiently (likely due to a change in the co-receptors it binds to during infection), and the immune system is overwhelmed.

At this point, functional CD4+ T cell levels begin to decrease, eventually to a point where the CD4+ T cell population is too small to recognize the full range of antigens that could potentially be detected. The lack of full antigen cover results in the core symptoms of acquired immune deficiency syndrome (AIDS). CD4 T cell depletion during AIDS allows various pathogens to escape T cell recognition, thus allowing opportunistic infections that would normally elicit a helper T cell response to bypass the immune system. While these complete bypass situations only occur when the helper T cell response is absolutely necessary for infection clearance, most infections increase in severity and/or duration because the immune system's helper T cells provide a weaker contribution to a less efficient immune response.
Two components of the immune system are particularly affected in AIDS, due to its CD4+ T cell dependency:

1. CD8+ T cells are not stimulated as effectively during the AIDS period of HIV infection, making AIDS patients very susceptible to most viruses, including HIV itself. This decline in killing of
CD4+ T cells results in the virus being produced for a longer period (the infected CD4+ T cells are not killed as quickly), increasing the proliferation of the virus, and accelerating the development of the disease.

2. Antibody class switching declines significantly once helper T cell function fails. The immune system loses its ability to improve the affinity of their antibodies, and are unable to generate B cells that can produce antibody groups such as IgG and IgA. These effects are primarily due to the loss of any helper T cell that can interact with the B lymphocyte correctly. Another symptom of AIDS is the reduction in antibody levels due to a decrease in Th2 cytokines (and less interactions by helper T cells). All of these complications result in an increased susceptibility to aggressive bacterial infections, especially in areas of the body not accessible by IgM antibodies.

If the patient does not respond to (or does not receive) HIV treatmentthey will succumb usually to either cancers or infections; the immune system finally reaches a point where it is no longer coordinated or stimulated enough to deal with the disease.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

My Heart is still beating

This is not the way I wanted my life to turn out, but this made me appreciate my life more.
I was diagnosed with a disease, an incurable one.
I don’t know what the future holds for me but I won’t let this condition slave me.

I will...

Fight Harder!
Be Stronger!
Live Better!

My life isn't over because...

THIS HEART IS STILL BEATING!!!