It's been 7 months since I had my last check up, my doctor in PGH barely recognizes me. I was so busy with work that I cant find time for my follow up check up. Last month I turned 24 at the same time I had my cd4 extraction, I am very vocal that what I want for my birthday is having my cd4 reach 500, I always do pray about it. My cd4 is always in a fluctuating manner, it goes up but goes down again after the next extraction.
Here's the trend.
August 2010- 443
February 2011- 297
August 2011- 334
March 2012- 326
Frustrating right?! LOL!
So yesterday I had my follow up check up, the usual, my doctor check my heart, my lungs, my neck for lymph nodes, mouth for cank sores, eyes for what ever. hehehe... Thankfully she didn't saw anything wrong. For my cd4 results, she just stared at me and asked what my last cd4 count is, I was nervous, I asked her if it decreases, she was just silent and handed me over my results. I can't believe what I saw so I check if it really was mine, I checked the code number and it is mine. I was so happy! Finally my wish came true, my cd4 as of october 2012 was 647!!!! I prayed and thank GOD for all his blessings. :)
I went to S.A.G.I.P-PGH yesterday to have my check up, to get my cd4 results and have my meds refill. Since sagip is on going some changes, new nurse, new doctor its like I'm starting all over again. I arrived around 1pm, its the first time I saw sagip with more than 5 people, usually when I go there I don't see anyone. Anyways the usual I knocked on the door and asked for my doctor, since I have a new doctor I forgot what her name was and gave my student number instead, in fairness to nurse karen, she is very nice and accommodating but since she is new she only knew me by my student number, so she let me wait outside then after a few minutes she let me in, she checked my blood pressure, my temperature, then she put something in my finger I really don't know what that's for, finally my weight, from 70kilos I now weigh 66kilos, I'm so happy I lost weight, I've been on a diet this past few days, thank god it payed off, then I told her that I was also gonna refill my meds, a few days before a friend from twitter tweeted that there isn't enough meds for our cocktail, and I confirmed that he was right, I was only given 15days supply of lamivudine and tenofovir, but I was given a bottle of efavirenz, the mass supply of meds will be delivered on the 3rd week of april so I think there is no reason to worry. After that I have to wait outside again for my doctor, to tell you honestly I wasn't so thrilled about the new doctor thing, I like my old doctor very much. When she came nurse karen introduced me to her, I was a bit shy but she is really nice, like my old doctor I can feel that she cares for me, she asked some question about my family, how am I coping, etc... The conversation when on and on, I found out that like my old doctor her pre-med course is my college degree, we had something in common. So its time for my cd4 results, my last cd4 as of august 2011 is 334, and my current cd4 is 326, it dropped 8points but it didn't really bothers me, I feel fine and I know someday I will be able to reach the 500 level. :)
I met Dr. Zamora in July of 2010 at PGH, she's been my doctor ever since and now she is leaving S.A.G.I.P - PGH. Dr. Zamora isn't like any doctor she is very friendly, sincere and you can always depend on her. I remember the last time we talked she told me to take care of myself and I have to be a good boy from now on, I admit I am "pasaway" most of the time, but I am not stubborn I just like to live my life the way I want it. Sorry doc! With the disease that I have I think its really important that you have a strong connection with your doctor. I can share anything to her about my life, family, career, love life, even my sex life, she just listen without any judgement, she even met my mom and my partner, she is very supportive. She guided me in this journey, she is one of the reason why I am still healthy, for a year and seven months she took care of me. I cannot thank her enough. I am really sad that she's not going to be my doctor anymore, I feel that I am also losing a friend. She is one of the few people that understands my personality. I will surely miss her. If ever you read this doc THANK YOU! I promise to be good from now on. You're the BEST! I will miss you. :)
I had my CD4 extracted last august 16 at PGH, yeah at PGH! Finally we won't have to go to RITM or SACCL for the extraction. It's my 3rd time to have my CD4 extracted I was a bit nervous because the last time I lost 146 count, very heartbreaking. Since then I started my ARV not a very nice beginning but it got better, my body became at ease with my meds. My schedule was very hectic but I manage to squeeze in the scheduled extraction. I work 6x a week. Sunday was my only day off and they don't have any schedule but on weekdays. The extraction was still the same process as the others, but the only thing I noticed is that ate Cellene's tummy got bigger, shes pregnant, its been a while since I visited PGH, I was busy with work so I asked someone to get my meds and my last check up was May.
I ask my doctor if I can get my results early in the morning, and she agreed. I waited 3weeks for the result... September 6, I had my check up around 6:30 in the morning. I love my doctor she's very accommodating and nice, I can always count on her. I was very excited... I went to PGH with someone. The usual I waited on the bench then Dr. Rose arrived, we went to sagip unit, the usual check up had a few chat and then she showed my result. My CD4 only increased by 33 points, she knew I wasn't that happy, I mean it was okay, only okay, but she said that Viral Load is more important than CD4 so I had hope the only problem was there is no VL in PGH I have to do it in RITM and its worth 6,000 pesos! 6,000 PESOS!!! Sad to say it's not covered by Phil Health. I think I'll take it on December, hopefully my ARV are really working.
Feb. 1, 2011, I had my 2nd CD4 extraction at san lazaro hospital. I've been waiting for my results for more than 3weeks, I am very anxious. Monday I got a text from nurse cellene asking me if I have a philhealth already, I said yes, and asked her if my results is already there, I already knew that I was going to be on meds, but I remained hopeful, the following day she texted me that my results is already there, I immediately texted my doctor to follow up, wednesday I went to PGH together with my bestfriend, I a little bit nervous of what how my results will turned out, we arrived around 1:30pm, there were many people as expected, I saw some old faces, few I know from yoga for life. The usual thing, you first knock on the door of SAGIP and ask for your doctor, then you wait outside...
We waited for 3hours...
and my doctor called me... We entered the room, after a few "hello's and hi's" and then my results...
My CD4 as of August 3, 2010 is 443
and my current CD4 as of February 1, 2011 is...
...
297
My CD4 dropped 146, I was a bit shock but wasn't surprise, I am accepting it wholeheartedly. I've been under a lot of stress lately and I didn't took care of myself properly so I have no one to blame but myself. My body is now fragile, it may break anytime, it needs to be under repair. I realized that my body is having a hard time fighting anymore, I have cough or colds that last for a week or two, diarrhea for a week, having dermatitis on my face, vomiting from time to time. Everything becomes different now, I promised myself to be more careful this time, I have to take care of my body well, I am advised my doctor to start my medication, after fixing my philhealth and finishing some lab test I'm now ready to start, this is another chapter of my HIV journey... I need to get those numbers up again! I know GOD is with me in this journey.
February 13, 2010 the day that changed my life forever. I can still remember how it all begun...
It was the thirteenth of February, the day before Valentine's Day. It was a Saturday, after having my rapid test last December 2009 (which came out non-reactive) I decided to have my follow up test so my (ex)partner (who is my partner that time), and I together with another bisexual friend V went to PGH to have our HIV test. V has a family, a wife and a son, he is very scared thinking he has HIV due to his past sexual encounters. We arrived at PGH around 1pm, Dr. L who has a study about HIV was the one who conducted the test. I was just normal, I wasn't scared, I was just thinking it's gonna be negative so let's get this over with. I volunteered first, my (ex)partner, then my friend V same procedures after a few questions from Dr. L we had our blood samples tested. After another questioning as a group, he asked us to go outside and one by one he will disclose the results as usual I went in first, I sat in front of him he handed me the rapid test kit and asked "what do you think is the result?" I replied "I don't know" and immediately he said "it's positive" right then and there I died, I was shaking, "para akong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig" and I asked my (ex)partner's results "what about *****?, what about *****?" thank God he's negative, he was trying to calm me down but I was really shaking not crying just shaking while embracing myself, he was telling me things but I can't really understand it, my mind was completely blanked, i could have screamed but my friend was outside and I don't want him to know, and my (ex)partner as well so I calmed myself and went outside, my (ex)partner was next on his way in I got the chance to hold his hand and I squeezed it real tight. Outside V was trying to talk to me, I tried my best to remain calm acting like everything was fine and I was non-reactive. After all of us were done, we decided to get something to eat, I was just quiet, my (ex)partner was thinking I was acting weird I just smiled at him back, we entered a fast food chain I just sat down and ask him to order something for me, I really couldn't eat, I was not myself, I wanted to scream and cry but I can't, while eating I received a text message from my (ex)partner asking if I am alright, I replied with the news "I am reactive" looking at his face while reading my text, he was shocked, his smile turned into a frown, both of us didn't finished our meal, we still tried to act normal in front of our friend. After eating we said goodbye to our friend, both not ourselves we sat down in the sidewalk both staring at a blank space. I told him I will go back to Dr. L to have my blood extracted for the confirmation test, we hurried back but Dr.L was in a meeting and can't accommodate in that moment so we agreed to come back later in the afternoon. My (ex)partner asked me to come with him in his house, the moment we got into his room I cried, I broke down, I was dying... he was crying also, but he remained strong for me, telling me that there is still a chance for me to be non-reactive. He was tracing back were I get it from, but I was just crying... our relationship just turned 2months that time, he just hugged me the whole time trying to be positive about it, looking at a brighter side but I was still covered in darkness, I did question God why, but I never blamed him for what happened. Then we head back to PGH to had my blood extracted.
My confirmation test still came out REACTIVE... and so my life begins... at the age of 21 I am HIV positive, and my (ex)partner remained non-reactive. :)
That moment changed my life, its very funny because I wasn't even that promiscuous during those time, I had less than 10 sex encounters, this just means that one unsafe encounter and you can be at risk of having HIV.
Writing this post made me realized that I had already moved on, I had accepted my fate, I am still the same person just stronger. I am still here... ALIVE! My heart is still beating...
Last Wednesday me and my best friend went to PGH to have my check up and to start my ARV, i woke up 10am, took a shower, went to the bank then rushed off to the meeting place where my best friend is waiting. My best friend know about my status and she's positive about it, i didn't saw her cry not even one drop of tear, she just told me that we will conquer the world together. I brought her with me so that Dra. Z can educate her about what's happening to me. We arrived at exactly 1pm at SAGIP unit, there are many patients so we sat on the chair in the corridors, after a few minutes I knocked in the usual closed door of the room, a familiar face opened the doctor it wasn't nurse C, i was just staring trying to figure out who he was, he was staring also, then i saw nurse C and ask for Dra. Z, she told me to wait outside, then i figured out who he was, he was a guy who i exchanged messages in planetromeo, i immediately texted him and then a few minutes he came out then sat next to me, after introducing ourselves, he gave me an intro about the med's I'm going to take because I was going to start my treatment on that day, then we shook hands he went back into the room, he was accompanying people who's gonna get tested for HIV (i hope they turn out negative). Then Dra. Z passed by, I said "hi" she didn't notice me because I have a shorter hair. We walked into the room and checked me up, the usual she asked me how am I doing, she got my weight (58kg) checked my neck, etc... I am losing weight so she ask me to eat more. I told her I brought my best friend, I asked if she can come in, she said yes, a few intro and questions then she went out to get my med, after a few minutes she went back said "hindi ka pa magstart ng treatment hindi ako pinayagan ng consultant ko, nagtitipid kami ng gamot, saka mataas pa naman daw cd4(443) mo, ang next kuha mo ng cd4 sa feb, mag follow up check up ka na lang sa december ". I got confused because three weeks ago she was so sure that I am starting my treatments because of the new guidelines, now i don't know if this is a good or bad news. I just said okay and my check up is done, doc asked me to go out of the room so she can talk to my best friend after 10mins there done, 2:30pm we said goodbye to doc. I was hungry so we went to rob's ermita to eat, we also ask another friend to follow. We ate at pancake house then watched a movie, it was fun bonding with them, i was happy that my best friend knows about my status, she's very supportive, she texted me every to eat fruit, vegetables or to sleep early. She said we were like kris aquino and eric quizon in the movie "so happy together" or like "will and grace". I'm just so happy that our friendship became stronger than ever. Now I have my BF's to support me, my boy friend and my best friend, I am so BLESSED to have them.
